Hope

Hey, it’s Jeff again. Thanks for reading this column. It really does blow my mind that people would spend time reading through my weird thoughts. I really do appreciate it so much.

I’ve spent weeks trying to decide what to write about. Lots of things went through my mind, but nothing really got me excited enough to dig down on. It wasn’t just in regard to this column, but I’ve just been walking around like a zombie. I’ve been unable to be inspired by anything. Even as I sit here on this beautiful first day of spring, I can’t find that spark. I guess this is what they mean when they say the wind has been taken from my sails.

I’m not alone in my rut. Most everyone I talk to have their emotional wagon wheels stuck in the mud. It doesn’t seem to have much to do with religious or political ideation. It seems to be across the board and hit hitting hard. Some people might say I’m just melancholy or depressed or maybe mercury is in retrograde. Maybe I need to pray or meditate, light sage or go to church.

Sage DOES help a bit, but that’s about it at the moment.

As I take stock of the way I spend my time and how that might relate to the way I’m feeling, I keep coming back to a few things.

First, I’m heartbroken and just blackout angry politically. I honestly can’t see straight and absolutely feel backed into a corner and ready to fight. That’s very difficult for me because I’m not really a violent person. I can get that way if pushed or if somebody attacks someone I love. That’s what’s happening to my country right now and it’s enough to make me vomit. I will never understand why someone would’ve actually chosen to vote for this. It literally blows my mind, and I can’t wrap my head around it in the same way that it’s hard to wrap one’s head around the idea of infinity. It doesn’t compute. It just makes no sense! It causes me terrible distress and I know you feel the same way whether you’re on the right or left. We are all being divided and made to choose sides. I’m not gonna do it anymore.

Second, people, despite their best intentions, will sometimes, even often, let us down. It never seems to be easy to take. It’s usually someone you care about deeply or a comrade or band member or something that can really stick it to you. The thing is, they usually don’t mean it and usually they don’t even realize it’s happening. Sometimes they do and there’s nothing that can be done. They may not even be able to have the ability to see it from other points of view. They can only navigate it as compassionately as they are able.

It’s REALLY hard to give grace in these situations, but we all need it from time to time and it takes up a lot of bandwidth. So much energy is spent on navigating personal relationships of all kinds. Of course, it can be worth it, but it can be equally hurtful.

We’ve all been taught and trained to expect certain things that we probably ought not to expect. I wonder if sometimes people let us down because our expectations were too high? I know that’s the case for me. It’s not always true but probably half the time it is. The universe is pretty balanced.

Third, and specifically just for us original musicians and songwriters. The music business is a nightmare. We are all forced to represent ourselves and have difficult business conversations about our art and what amounts to pieces of ourselves. It’s vulgar and disgusting and can be so insidious and damaging. Having someone judge you and tell you what you’re worth to them, in real terms, can be pretty cool but most of the time it’s pretty cruel.

Trying to monetize something so personal is a losing battle. We all need someone else to represent us, but there’s just not enough money in the business anymore. So, we trudge on and try and build a thicker skin. Problem is that it also closes our hearts to the things that inspire us and helps us create the art we so desperately need to create.

So where am I going with this? Well, I think that’s mostly it’s social media. I think it’s very telling that social media’s initials are S&M. It’s definitely a masochistic endeavor. We all love to use it as a tool to promote and stay in touch with folks who like our music, but it also makes us have to be tuned in to a false narrative… actually, thousands of false narratives all at once. I don’t care who the post is from. It is being represented in a very positive light without any of the reality of the situation being talked about. If we all posted the real truth about our gigs, no one would come. Lol.

The FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) is real. It’s hard to remember that nothing is as it seems. It doesn’t bring out the best of us. It makes us hurt, jealous, and mean. There’s no way to create any kind of post that doesn’t come off needy and even arrogant. It’s truly just us saying “look at me!” It’s unseemly. It used to be gross to self promote. I’ve got to get off this thing. It’s stealing my ability to feel.

So what do we do about it? I don’t know. I wish I had an answer, but I’m always open to new ideas!

I’m lucky and have been able to hire help. Black Market III have been great about handling my social media and website for me. I’m in almost daily conversations Scott and Roxy. We try to keep the information coming. They’re awesome and affordable. It allows me to not have to go online as often. It absolutely has helped a bit.

I still find myself scrolling and—not even remembering—making the decision to open the stupid app. I guess I need to delete them from my phone. I’m honestly not sure how much social media really helps with people who love music.

You know the ones I mean? The lay people. The ones that aren’t musicians. The ones that aren’t a part of the music scene but just love music and love going to concerts. It seems to be a trick to get to those folks on social media. I think what’s really happening is that we’re all just advertising our gigs to each other. A bunch of musicians telling each other about their gigs. It’s kind of stupid right?

So what are we even doing here?

I think it’s time to cut bait and find another way of promoting our music but until then I’ll keep using this evil, alternate dimension to tell you all about my gigs.

So how do we find inspiration? How do we find Hope in a hopeless time?

I haven’t been able to find a pathway that I can implement on my own. In other words, I don’t have some plan of action. The things that bring me hope and joy these days, come from out of nowhere. They’re unexpected.

Quigley

There’s a dog named Quigley who lives next-door. He comes to visit a couple times a day and as soon as I hear his little collar jangling, I know he’s on his way over to say hi. In those moments, my troubles disappear. WTF is that? Some kind of doggy magic? I get the same feeling when I see a hawk above or even crows sometimes. There’s a nest that a little bird is building on the back porch. These things seem to be drenched in hope.

I wish I could fly higher above all these crappy things. Could a different perspective help me process it all and let it all go? I’m kind of stuck on the ground. There must be something to focusing on the opposite of social media. Nature. It’s been working for me so I’m gonna lean in. There is wild in the flower. There is lighting in the Bug.

Look for hope everywhere but Social Media. It’s still there, waiting for you.

Love , JB

Jeff Berkley is a San Diego songwriter, musician, and producer, whose soulful writing, guitar mastery, and visionary production have shaped the Southern California music scene. He has collaborated with icons like Jackson Browne, David Crosby, the Indigo Girls, and Ben Harper; in 1999 he won the Kerrville New Folk Songwriting Award. With his bands Berkley Hart and Jeff Berkley & the Banned, he has earned multiple San Diego Music Awards, including Artist of the Year in 2023, and was inducted into the San Diego Music Hall of Fame. Berkley has released numerous acclaimed albums and continues to perform, produce, and create music rooted in heart and storytelling.