Hello Troubadourians! Recently, I was asked by a co-worker if I would give him guitar lessons. I always have misgivings about these situations for many reasons. I elaborate on this in my column “Things I Don’t Do” (https://sandiegotroubadour.com/things-i-dont-do/). That situation was definitely the exception as it turned out well, while this most recent request conforms more closely to the norm that these requests generally follow. Before I continue, let me be clear; I recognize how difficult it is to learn to play any instrument as an adult. When we are children and our job is essentially to learn things, learning to play an instrument is complementary to all of the other learning we are doing. As a working adult with multiple responsibilities, the attempt of learning to play an instrument can be a daunting, possibly impossible task.
The guitar in particular is an interesting case study in that it is deceptively simple. Learning a few “cowboy chords” and strumming along while singing folk-type songs is something most people can do. And sure, I can teach you that in a few lessons. But those aren’t the people who ask me for lessons… No, I get, “I’ve been playing for years but I’m not getting any better. So, can you show me some tricks so that I can sound like I know what I’m doing?” Um, maybe…
There are many assumptions in that question, of which most come from naivete. If you just don’t know what you don’t know, I can help you with that. If you are willing to listen and learn, I can help you with that. As long as you approach it with respect for the instrument, the music, and the process, I can help you learn and become a better player. I believe that learning guitar can be as complicated as learning English for a non-English speaker. The rules seem to change, and everything appears differently, depending on where you are on the neck. It does eventually make sense but the guitar is certainly not as uniform as the piano. And sometimes we just overthink it…
This is where we have to manage expectations. If you are asking for lessons from an experienced teacher or player, are your expectations realistic? If someone has been playing for a long time and is just out of practice, well, welcome back! I like to help these players. They know what they used to be able to do and they want to get back to that—maybe better. Usually they learned organically, mostly by ear, and they became proficient from repetition. Over time, their skills slipped away, and they don’t have the knowledge or process to get them back. But they still have the ear for music, and this is their advantage over most people. I can teach them the discipline to use their ear to reëducate themselves and improve. And give them some additional documentation so that they can remember and rebuild on their own.
On the other hand, are you looking to actually get better or are you looking for a shortcut? Assuming the latter, this comes from a very different place. So many of my encounters with people asking for lessons aren’t from players. Rather, they’re more like guitar owners who—because they can afford a nice guitar or guitars—assume it should be easy to learn to play them. Lacking the ear that the previously mentioned players have, these folks are already behind and many have developed some really bad habits. It is usually very difficult for them to learn something because they have so much unlearning that they have to do first. Frankly, I’m not a good enough teacher to make much headway in these situations. Add the complication of seeing the person every day, and, well, that’s why it’s one of the “Things I Don’t Do…”
There is a big difference among intermediate players, advanced players, and pro-level players. Pro-level players make playing look easy, that’s their job. Observing those players from afar as most of us do, there is a tendency to think that we could never be that good. Probably not. But there are pro-level players that walk among us, and you might never know unless someone tells you, “Hey, that guy can really play the guitar.” Suddenly, with that lack of distance, the demystification of ability, I get people asking for lessons…
It’s kind of funny, actually, and awkward, when it happens. I have to be respectful and cautious without being inviting or arrogant. Well, I suppose I could be arrogant, but that isn’t me. I ask a few questions and I can tell immediately who I’m dealing with. Someone truly talented, like my friend T whom I write about in the original column, is a joy to teach. Good musicians are always fun to play with even if they aren’t as experienced as I am. Likewise, those folks who are in the category above, just out of practice, are also enjoyable to work with. I’m not teaching them so much as reawakening them to their own past. Seeing their excitement when they can play again makes it time well spent for both of us. But there are the guys—yes, they’re always guys—who have decided that they want to play the guitar and they are a challenge. It’s that demystification that I mentioned earlier at work. The unspoken attitude is, “If you can do it, I can do it, so show me how to do it.” I kind of remember mentioning something earlier about arrogance… yeah, not talking about me…
The best way that I’ve found to deal with this situation is to keep it at arm’s length. I don’t outright refuse, but I also never agree to a regular schedule. I’ll ask them what their expectations are and how much time they have for practice and learning. That answer often makes them realize that they really don’t have time, which is generally why they haven’t improved. I can’t help you with that. The next questions I ask are what kind of music are they into? What do they like to listen to? What songs can they play? The tendency here is for what they like, to be far above their current ability, and they really can’t play any songs that are recognizable, or that they like to play. I really can’t help you with that either. Sometimes it ends there, sometimes it doesn’t. As long as it ends on good terms, we’re cool. Sometimes as we’re talking, I’ll play, seemingly with no effort, something “impossible” that casually demonstrates the distance from where they are to where they think they want to be. Um, I guess I can be arrogant after all… Persisting beyond their obvious limitations, I still have a few things I can do for them. There are always songs that we can agree on which I can assign for them to work with that will challenge and inform them… all while keeping them at arm’s length. Because, well, there are Things I “still” Don’t Do…
Need to know? Just ask… Charlie (ask.charlie@hotmail.com)
