Seasons

Look, I’ve been around for a while. I’m not ancient or anything, but I have reached a certain age of enlightenment. I’ve seen some things. Not only have I seen some things, I’ve seen them again. Not only have I seen them again, I’ve seen what those things caused and created. And so on.

Navigating a successful emotional and spiritual existence is about noticing patterns. The good ones, and the bad. There’s nothing better than the feeling of noticing a positive pattern and leaning into that. Learning to make it more positive and use it for good.

Adversely, it can be devastating to realize that you’re the problem. I think this feeling is probably pretty common. I know it has been for me.

Although the solution can seem very easy, it usually isn’t. We get into these patterns because it is our nature. Getting out of them can feel odd even if it’s good for us.

Anyway, I’m here to talk about the former type of pattern. The positive one that does you good and hopefully does others good as well. Over the last several years, I’ve been gifted a kind of vision. An ability to notice—vividly—the patterns, both negative and positive, that have brought me to where I am. One of the thousands of patterns that emerge is the pattern of my songwriting.

The cycle of my songwriting has really been so healthy for my psyche and my heart. The more I lean into the patterns or “seasons” of the songwriting cycle, the more artistically, mentally, and spiritually I benefit. Hopefully others around me as well.

It was during a conversation with Gregory Page that I first heard the word seasons mentioned in this context. He was explaining how he was in the midst of a season of writing. Sort of like when we feel spring coming on and how that leads to summer. I had honestly never thought about it before. My songs have always come in batches. I never really thought past that. Gregory’s words rang out in my head and got me to start noticing that specific pattern in my life.

I had always been of the opinion that there was something wrong with me because I didn’t write “all the time.” As if somehow I’m not a real writer because I have intense moments of inspiration that come on like a full moon. They wax and wane. As the seasons come and go, they affect my whole life. Everything is connected.

My songs, like so many others’ songs, are driven by my own emotions and experiences. So just the act of being inspired to write a song for me is emotional and can be intense either in a light or dark way.

I’ve stopped holding back from a bit of darkness in my songs because there’s no way for the light to exist without darkness. Being balanced has opened up so many doors for me as an artist and writer. I think we get caught up in trying to be positive even if it’s false. Sort of a “fake it to you make it” kind of approach to mental well-being. That doesn’t work for me.

Jackson Browne said “the only way through it is through it.” A positive outlook is great but feeling those dark feelings is so important. That’s what exercises them.

Anyway, as soon as I let myself off the hook for having songwriting seasons, the songwriting damn burst for me. Just the act of calling it a season changed my outlook completely. In my mind, I knew what was happening and to lean into it. To write everything and edit later. Just let my mind and heart and soul move my pen. Drive the race car till the gas runs out.

Another really freeing part of leaning into the seasons was pretty unexpected. I found myself not being so precious about each song. Part of it was knowing that there will probably be more songs this season. Also, though, I knew there would always be another season. If something seemed out of place from the other tunes, I would think of it as a dip into the next season.

I have a few songs set aside now because I know I’m not ready for them yet. They don’t really have my voice, but that’s probably because my voice hasn’t caught up to those songs not the other way around.

As I look around at other songwriters’ patterns, I noticed that the music business has always kind of been set up for this. We write a batch of songs, we arrange and rehearse them. We’ll play them out live and for other artists and trusted ears. Then, we move into the production stage where we record and make videos. At that point, we artistically move into the commerce portion of what we do.

The whole cycle is full of seasons from writing, all the way through sales of the widget you’ve created.

Just the act of going through the PR and sales portion of the song or record makes you long to get back in a room with your guitar, piano, or whatever you use to write with.

And so, the cycle begins again.

This is just my way that has emerged over time. I’m sure yours is different and more personalized to you. I guess I’m just saying that no matter what your method, roll with what feels natural and lean into those patterns that emerge.

Don’t try and be anybody but you.

A Buffalo Trace album release party, September 6, Jazz Lounge, 6818 El Cajon Blvd., 7pm.