Resolutions and Re-Solutions

Last year at this time, I talked about an alternative to resolutions: A rubric of personal accountability.

This year I want to go in the opposite direction and dive right into the idea of “resolutions.” But I don’t mean them in the sense that we usually do at this time of year, or not completely anyway. Instead, I want to talk about the various meanings of the word “resolution” and see if they can offer any guidance for the new year.

The first one we know about: Ways we may resolve to be in the new year. And that’s great; it’s good to have a commitment to personal growth or accomplishment. So that is the one I will say the least about.

One degree of separation from this involves the shade of “resolution” that reflects resoluteness. Which of those hills are we willing to die on? Resoluteness is an empowering trait. Sometimes people avoid planting flags for fear of stepping on feet along the way. But faced with resoluteness in others, we usually respond with respect and admiration. So, this year, try making something that is valuable to you, non-negotiable within yourself.

However, that brings up a third sense of resolution: the way we mean it in when we talk about the various screens we use. Higher resolution is greater detail and specificity; low-res is more macro and less defined.

We can use that in our lives as well. We can agree to reestablish our focal length depending on the true nature of a situation. Performing a task for someone, tending to someone’s needs, completing a job as a matter of employment or personal commitment…these are hi-res situations. We want to drill down and ensure we are tending to every detail in the best way possible.

Someone performing a task for us, or committing an act of kindness or generosity, effort, or commitment? That’s lo-res. Eyes on the prize. The gesture is enough forever and ever amen. Let’s commit to remembering that this year. Take others at their intentions, and ourselves at our commitment.

Another sense of “resolution” is as an ending. How do things resolve? Open wounds and unexpressed resentments are the erosion and decay that destroy relationships. Can we aim to bring any simmering resentments to a resolution this year? Is there any upside to leaving them unsettled? (It’s a rhetorical question with only one correct answer!) Together, let’s aim to make this the year we close wounds and open possibilities.

This also goes for those we might have left unfinished business with when they passed. Can we recast them and our understanding of them in a way that allows for peace? If so, let this be the year we rewrite our future memory and understanding of them.

A fourth sense is the idea not just of resolving, but of re-solving. Revisiting how past issues reconciled and being open to “solving” them again if they need it. Again, ideally, we are slowly building a life absent of time-bombs. Did you force someone into an agreement or compromise or situation they didn’t really want, but decided to accept as a lo-res means of conflict avoidance? If so, open it back up. Ask if they felt heard. Let them know you feel unsettled about your own behavior and see if there’s a way you can make it right. Most of the most emotional or difficult negotiations we undergo lose their ability to disrupt, the farther in time we are removed from them.

Finally, while we are discussing the idea of “solutions,” we can also think of “resolution” as remaking the particular “solution” that the mix of people and endeavors in our world represent. Remember from science class, “mixture” is when each element preserves its components, and each one could be extracted separately afterward if needed. A “solution,” on the other hand, is when those components break down and combine and make a new thing that can’t be returned to its original components. Most of us have both “mixtures” and “solutions” in our lives.

Mixtures are easy to deal with. A rude acquaintance who we find it easy to avoid, and then do. A chore we can outsource to an app or gig-worker. A routine we chose ourselves and can stop or change.

But solutions are harder to deal with. They come in good and bad models. Music is a good “solution”: those people in that moment are creating something that cannot exist without those exact people and that exact moment, and yet exists separate from them too, somehow.

A job is a neutral solution, maybe good or maybe bad. The combination exists, inextricably, in service of something larger than any of the individual components.

A “bad” solution might be–forgive me, random gods of filial equanimity–the family reunion. Have you ever gone to one and been super happy with your own behavior or attitude? Man, not me. It’s like being face to face with your own least favorite traits about yourself! I’ve always got at least one moment I wish I could have back, or have better. And it’s not because of anyone in particular, or usually not. Well, not anyone else, anyway. It’s that those people, in that moment, create a perfect bowl of hot mind-fuck soup that most of us spill on ourselves all night long.

This year, let’s ask: have we curated the proper mix of people and/or activities/time-sucks for our own inclinations? Are we interacting with each in the way that brings the most out of them, and us, and all of them together? If so, wonderful and congratulations, that’s a very fulfilling existence. If not, let’s reconfigure the solution. Re-solve. Ask what each activity or person is bringing to our lives, and what we are bringing to them. If it’s net negative, we should aim to change the proportions. There is an adage in the field of toxicology that “the dose makes the poison.” Perhaps it means playing pickleball one day a week instead of five. Perhaps it means having a mental escape route for the overstimulation moments of social interactions that bring out your worst qualities. Whatever the elements, remember that you have the power and the option to reexamine them if you need.

This New Year, make your resolution, then continue to re-solve until you have the solutions that ensure no time bombs, only bomb-ass times.

Josh Weinstein is an SDMA-winning songwriter, arranger, producer, and pianist/organist/keyboard player originally from New York. He holds a Ph.D. in music and teaches college and private lessons across a variety of disciplines. His dog is way cooler than he is.

Josh Weinstein is an SDMA-winning songwriter, arranger, producer, and pianist/organist/keyboard player originally from New York. He holds a Ph.D. in music and teaches college and private lessons across a variety of disciplines. His dog is way cooler than he is.