In my past two January columns, I made bold predictions about the coming years. Some of my prognostications were uncanny; like in 2010, when I predicted the Padres would go 92-70. They finished 90-72, which was pretty damn close.
Now that it’s December, it’s again time to compare my precognitive skills with what passes for reality!
Here is my column from January of this year, and accompanying comments:
1.) There will be a big-budget animated 3-D Hollywood feature film starring the Geico Gecko. A lesser film will star the animated workers from the Empire Flooring TV spots.
(Still waiting. The Gecko is an icon and seems to have the acting chops to pull off a feature. The Empire Flooring guys, not so much.)
2.) Some savvy Hollywood producer will put together a movie package starring some of the weirdest-named actors in show business: Cord Overstreet, Penn Badgely, Leighton Meester, Blake Lively, and Creed Bratton will star in The John Smith Story.
(Still waiting. I may have to produce it myself because all Hollywood does anymore is remake remakes.)
3.) KPBS-TV will switch formats and broadcast nothing but membership campaign programs starring Celtic Woman, Rick Steves, Dr. Wayne Dyer, and a handful of ‘50s doo-wop groups, each featuring at least one original member.
(Bingo! In fact, as I write this, I’m watching myself on KPBS-TV talking about Pink Floyd and hustling YOU for money!)
4.) The “new look” Padres will recapture their 2008 form and then some. The Friars’ 60-102 record will be the worst in baseball. Meanwhile, Adrian Gonzalez’s Boston Red Sox will win the World Series, bumping off the Giants in seven games.
(Bingo! I was half right. The Padres weren’t quite as awful, managing to reach 71-91 and finish dead last in the NL West. Close enough to be called an accurate prediction! The Red Sox collapsed during the last few weeks of the season and didn’t even make the playoffs. Gonzalez, however, was awesome!)
5.) The Chargers will finish 2011, their final season in San Diego, by going 16-0 and playing in the 2012 Super Bowl against some team from the NFC.
(Who wrote this crap?)
6.) This year’s Super Bowl will be won by New England, 32-28, over Chicago.
(This seems unlikely.)
7.) In September, Nissan will introduce a smart phone that you can drive. It’ll have one terabyte of memory and get 650 miles per watt.
(Wrong again. It was Apple’s 4S.)
8.) Marijuana lounges with live music will become the rage in California.
(Bingo! They have been for years but the authorities aren’t aware of it.)
9.) Several Wall Street investment bank fat cats will be prosecuted for precipitating the worldwide financial meltdown of 2008.
(I was going to write, “Goldman Sachs execs die in plane crash,” but I thought it might be in poor taste.) Bingo! Sort of. Two guys have gone down for insider trading. They are both from India, but they worked on Wall Street!)
10.) Polka-metal music. (It could happen. There’s already been rap-metal music!)
(Sad. Rock is dead. Roll out the barrels.)
11.) One of the Troubadour’s writers will have a national hit song on the radio. I’m not saying who, though. I don’t want to tip her off.
(Ssssshhhh. She still doesn’t know it.)
12.) For the first time since Kyu Sakamoto’s “Sukiyaki,” in 1963, an Asian-language song will be a hit in the U.S. Hong Kong-based singer Ho Li Kao will hit number 30 in September with the ballad, “Ng sha.” It will be sung entirely in Cantonese, backed by the reunited Black Sabbath.
(Bingo! Black Sabbath have reunited and are recording. I hear through the grapevine that they are considering Sakamoto’s song for the B side of their next cassette.
13.) The retirement age in the U.S. will be raised to 76.
(Still waiting. We all know it’s coming.)
Not bad, eh? That was five “Bingo!”s in 13 tries, meaning that approximately 40% of my predictions were almost semi-true.
This is my final Troubadour column
After eight years I have decided to retire as a “writer,” at least for a year or so, to spend more time pursuing my other passions, being on the radio and watching TV.
Next month this space will be occupied by a real musician, Mr. Charlie Loach, lead guitarist with Folding Mr. Lincoln. Charlie is also a Magna Cum Laude BSCS graduate of Chapman University (not sure what that is but I’m impressed.)
I’ll still be around on Facebook, Jazz 88.3 or Talk Radio 760 KFMB.
It has been a pleasure to serve you. Let’s keep in touch.